A Conversation I Had With A Jeweler In 2015
"David, I'm just beside myself."
"Why is that?"
"I don't have anything in the cases."
"Oh no, you weren't robbed were you?"
"No David it wasn't that at all."
"So what was it?"
"We sold everything last December and what wasn't sold returned it to their place of birth for credit."
"So what are you going to do?"
"Well after paying off our accounts payable we now have to open another checking account?"
"Why?"
"There's some type of silly law about the FDIC won't insure an account if it's over $100,000."
"Oh, that's really stinks; I'm so sorry, anything I can do to help restock the empty store?"
"No, thank you anyway, we'll find our way. I guess I'll just look over my reports and we'll just reorder the items that sold within 6 months of purchase date. "
"But look at it this way. You'll have new stuff customers have never seen before."
"I know, you keep harping on that stuff. But I really miss her."
"Who?"
"Herring. Every morning for 12 years I would fondle her and massage her long slender body with my fingers, stroke her so she'd look great. I was so proud to call her my own and show her off."
"Herring? What happened to her?"
"I hired a hit man and killed her."
"OMG. I can't believe this. You killed Herring? Why did you kill her?
"She wouldn't put out any more. We had her sister here as well years prior and she always paid her own way. But Herring never put out. So I killed her."
"Did you call the police?"
"No, we deposed of her on our own."
"How?"
"Cremation."
"You took her to a crematory?"
"No, no, no. We shipped her to a refiner."
"Just who the hell are we talking about here?"
"Herring! Herring Bone. She was the sweetest chain I ever had. I just hated to see her go. Nine years is a long time to have a relationship. But it was her time and she was the last to go."
"You're a sick man. I hope that was the last of it."
"It was, I promise, except for one."
"OMG, dare I ask? Who was this?
"Cluster. It was Cluster's Last Stand."
"What did you do to her?"
"No, it was a him. He put up a great fight, all the way to the end."
"Yes.......what did you do?"
"We stuck a ring mandrel right up his hole. Then we pried open all 9 of his heads and removed his 6 point brains."
"Cluster had 9 heads?"
"Yes. We cremated his body as well."
"What about his 9 brains?"
"Organ donor."
"How did you donate his brains?"
"We used the diamonds in his heads to make new designs for jewelry customers wanted for Christmas. I mean like Herring, Cluster just sat there in the case. Smirking. I thought one day he'll repay me. But Noooooooooooo. We bathed him often, showed him occasionally but obviously he turned everybody's stomach. He had to go.
"So you killed him too."
"Yes, but I took pleasure in Clusters demise. I personally used pliers and twisted off each head from his shank myself. It was poetic in a way."
"So what are you going to do now?"
"I think we'll take some time off and go to Disney Land. Then buy new inventory and restock the store in time for Valentine's Day."
"That's great. You sound like a new man."
"Yep, it's my way or the highway."
"What's the new way?"
"Everything I buy next month can stay for a while but it had better not be here next Valentine's Day or you know what."
"What?"
"Return to yo mama! Or the crematory or I'll rip off your heads!"
"I bet your staff is scared of you."
"They were at first, especially with seeing heads roll like they did. But they love the idea of working with new things and besides, they are liked the big fat Christmas bonus I gave them."
"Well good for you. I wish you a Happy New Year"
"Thanks David, but it's already started out just great. You have one too."
Sad, sad story.............................................It should only happen to you.
David Geller
